My name is Rita, not Whatta Fine Ass. Is your name F*cking Idiot? Because you sound like a F*cking Idiot to me and most intelligent women.
But we intelligent women acknowledge your stupidity, if that’s the validation you were looking for.
I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to finish writing TAROT-TORTURE™ or even any astrology last night. I was about to write Scorpio last night when I posted something on my Facebook page about me shouting something to the effect of everyone in my home could ‘kiss my ass’. Apparently this is an invitation for some men to talk about my ass, wanting to see my ass, talking about what a fine ass I have, the need to see my ass in a video, and at least one moron writing me privately asking when he can come to my house to kiss my ass in person.
I’m over the upset part and I’m experiencing varying degrees of anger. I thought about this all night and all day and I’ve concluded that some men are so stupid they think that saying things like the above is acceptable. They are so wrong that there’s no way to help educate them. I asked the main idiot in question to please stop. I even told him that children were present. I asked several times for him to stop writing those things and eventually my 16 and 14-year-old sons saw it. My youngest took to his personal page to blog about it; my 16-year-old took to confronting the idiot directly, not in a friendly way, and the idiot man decided it was ^^^^^^^^LOL^^^^^^^^ worthy. So I blocked him. That’s when I noticed a private message from a man I know, asking when he can come over to my house to kiss my ass. This man is mentally ill, or so he says, and over the years I’ve observed that he is a mixture of mental illness and stupidity. He has said some really irritating things in the past but I’d ask him to stop and he would. This time he showed me a new level of stupidity; because there’s no medication available for stupidity. I’m not going to tolerate his shit any more.
I’m only too thankful that these incidents occurred on the Internet. While it was slightly embarrassing for me, I realized that it was an opportunity to show all my friends how hurtful and upsetting comments like these are. I don’t know how often men are treated this way, but last night two of my male friends told me about their experiences with unwanted sexual advances from gay men and how upsetting it was for them to deal with. I don’t care who you are or what flavor you choose to be; it’s not okay to come on to people that way.
So maybe the question is who are the people most likely to come on to people in the most vile and disgusting ways? I read an article that basically summed it up by saying that the kind of men (the article was about men catcalling) who say those nasty things to women are just stupid, low-class, low-income, unemployed, minorities, and homeless types. I can understand how some people could have been raised generation after generation by people who tell them that’s the way to talk to women. But I’ve been harassed this way before by educated, white males, coworkers, old money, CEOs, and bank presidents, et al. It’s not always only been the sweaty construction worker on the roof, the beer-drinking redneck buying beer, the lonely truck driver at a truck stop, the lowriding gang-banger on a corner, and the white, female lesbian auto mechanic at Walmart (that happened, too). The list of people who have done this to me, in varying degrees, is very long. I suppose I can say that yeah, all of it indicates a level of stupidity. But that leads me to more questions like is the way they were or were not raised, or, is this shit genetic?
I’m Cuban-American; I was raised being told that men are a certain way, that boys will be boys, but that no one was allowed to treat me that way. Contradiction? Certainly for me. I was very angry for a long time that my brothers seemed to have some rights that I didn’t have. I’m 46 years old and was raised by parents who came to the United States from another country and another generation altogether. Sometimes not even I can reconcile what seemed to by my family’s ignorance. But was it ignorance or generation or culture?
The thing is it doesn’t matter. The bottom line is no one is allowed to say the kinds of disgusting things that some people feel the need to say. And when someone tells another to stop, they need to just stop. If they don’t stop when asked or told, then they are crossing a line that the legal system has not yet defined outside of work. I don’t care what other women find acceptable; if men aren’t sure what one woman finds acceptable or not, they’d better start off with something like, “Good morning!”
I believe it’s going to be almost impossible to teach all people what appropriate and inappropriate behavior is. But it’s entirely possible for people to get the courage to stand up for themselves to at least say, “Don’t say that to me.” And if it continues beyond that — if there’s no other recourse and you can’t shut them down on Facebook or you have to walk past this person every day — pick up the phone and ask law enforcement to help you. I’ve done that before and it has worked for me.
You have the right to a safe, peaceful existence. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.